10:43pm: Rawr!

Link: The Song of Ice and Fire House Test written by Geeky_Stripper on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

10:37pm: Not surprising

You scored as Eddard Stark, Tou identify with Eddard Stark. You are loyal and honorable, and take action in a crisis. </td> Eddard Stark 85% Brandon Stark 70% Daenerys Targaryen 70% Catelyn Stark 65% John Snow 55% Sansa Stark 55% Brienne of Tarth 55% Tyrion Lannister 50% Arya Stark 50% Which "a song of ice and fire" character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

10:08pm: Wow
It's been a long of a long time since i've posted in here. Reading over the last few things I posted I couldn't help but feel like I was nothing by a whiny little bitch. Gotta love being a teenager. But hey only six more months and move out of teendom. I've finished school. Looking for a job right now. And oddly enough the one I really hope I get has nothing to do with what I went to school for. I always thought I would never be one of "those" people. You know the ones who go to school for english but end up working on cars. Well now i'm one of them. Go figure. Other then that nothing is really new. I don't even know if anyone still reads this thing or not.

If you don't. Oh well. And if you do. Hi. If I get the job i'm looking for i'll be able to move out sooner then I thought. Which would be perfect. Be able to save up enough for my own condo or something. Wouldn't have to rent an apartment. Yay. Which don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with that. But it's just not something I really want to do for my own personal reasons. The main on being when/if I moved out I wouldn't get any my money back.

It's been what a year since I posted in this thing? Man a year. Why do I feel so much older? I had someone tell me a few days ago, who hadn't talked to me in awhile, that I sounded like i'd grown up more. Maybe I have. Would be nice to grow up a little more. In the last year. I've finished school. Looked for a job. Had to make some big choices. Fallen in love. Fallen out of love. Had someone tell me they still loved me. Made new friends. Found some old friends. And now i'm on the path to starting my life out. And it hasn't turned out at all like I thought it would. And i've found out some things about myself. So yeah. That's life for me so far.

8:25pm: Hrm.
Why does trying to get somewhere and trying to make something for yourself make you feel like your stuck in a rut? I'll tell you why. Because while your trying to make it all happen your doing grunt work. And grunt work sucks. You can't make anything change until you've set everything up for the changes. I know that in my head. But god it sucks so much. And then once you've gotten everything just where you want it you have to work to keep it there. I want a day off.

To do a complete 360 i'd like to tell you about something that annoys the hell outta me like you wouldn't believe. My father has a habit of pointing types of people out. I'll give you two examples. Say we're out somewhere and he sees a woman walk by who doesn't have everything quite covered up. He'll give me a look and roll his eyes and ask did you see that if she bent over she'd show off her "put pet name here for tits and ass." And this next one I just love the best. If he seems a gay person walk by he's very quick to point out "Oh they must be a couple/he must be a speical boy/she must be gay look at the way she's dressed." Of course he adds there's nothing wrong with that...but! Just once i'd love to turn to him and say "You know what. If they fascinate you -that- much. That you feel the need to comment on someone like that -every- time they pass us. Go tell them that! I'm sure you two will have a lovely converation." I'd love to see the look on his face after that. Of course i'd get it. But it would be so worth it just have him shut up about it.

8:08pm: mmm
Oooooooook. So yeah yeah I know it's been awhile. But what the hell do you write about when you have nothing to write about? I have no life. I've accepted that fact. Wake up, go to school, come home do whatever I need to get done, bum around, eat dinner, get online, go to bed and repeat. Do the same on the weekend just cut out the going to school part. Exciting no? You know how they say no man is an island? Bullshit in my case. I've gotten so use to just being alone and to just having my own little world and being able to keep everyone at the distance I want them out I don't know if I still know how to interact in the real world. I really have no social life what so ever to speak of. For many different reasons. And I keep telling myself you only have a year to go blah blah. Yeah well when that year is up then what? Yes I do ask myself then what all the time. It's a big bad world out there. Sometimes you just have to throw yourself in I guess. But I guess waiting untl you feel like you atleast have most of your shit together says something. It's better then getting out there and not having a clue and having to claw and fight for everything you need. I don't know. Just in a blah state at the moment I guess.

10:09pm: I realized today just how much I really suck at math. The two of us never got along to start with. I have a food and labor cost control class. As you can guess lots of math! So our teacher gave us a pre test to take and I have to bring it in tomorrow. Now this is math I did in my first quarter when I took my math class. But I forgot ever bit of it. No joke. I looked at that test and went...huh? I -knew- I knew had to do it. I just couldn't remember a thing of it to save my life. So i've been putting it off. I knew I had to get it done. So I made myself sit down and work on it. I pulled out all my old tests, notes and scratch paper. Everything I could think of. I scanned over a few things on math help web sites. It came back to me and I finished that sucker. I came -very- close to just throwing up my hands a few times. But I knew I knew it and I could do it.

Which brings me to my next point. I've noticed alot lately when people talk to me for even just a little and then find out how old I am there blown away. "Your so driven/exceptional/whatever for someone -your- age." That's almost an insult. Someone -my- age. So what would happen if they learned my age and only my age? My peers my generation lacks so much. They are so lazy. And have no idea where there going. We're the MTV, cell phone, internet and instant gratification babies. Our parents are worried about four year colleges, football and cheerleading. My peers just don't get it. Our parents are middle class and we have a comfortable life. There's this girl in my class. She's 19. She's hardly on time if she shows up at all. Her friend signs her up for everything. She's completely immature. And it's sad to say I know far to many 18 19 20 year olds like that. No i'm not saying you have to have all your shit together. God knows I don't. No i'm not saying you have to have it all figuered out. God knows I don't. But just step up. We're in college for fucks sake. Your there to get skills so you can go and live on your own. And again i'm not staying you have to study study study. But grown the fuck up! Unless your a trust fund baby the world is not a forgiving place. You can't just skate by. Get over yourself.

And going back to something completely different. When I was in Disney I met a manager at one of the resorts. He said if there was anyway he could help me to let him know and gave me a business card. So when I got home I e-mailed him a thank you. And he answered me back. That's one more person. That's one more connection. And that feels damn good.

2:59am: Quote
A quote for the day.

"Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already."

1:58am: Darling Nikki.
I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine
She said, How'd you like to waste some time?
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

She took me to her castle and I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices, everything that money could buy
She said, Sign your name on the dotted line
The lights went out and Nikki started to grind


Ow, Nikki!


The castle started spinning or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell you what she did to me, but me body will never be the same
Her lovin' will kick your behind, oh, she'll show you no mercy
But she'll sho'nuff, sho'nuff show you how to grind


Darlin' Nikki, oh!


I woke up the next morning, Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over, all I found was a phone number on the stairs
It said, Thank you for a funky time
Call me up whenever you wanna grind


Yeah, Nikki, oh!
Oh, come back Nikki, come back!
Your dirty little Prince wanna grind, grind, grind, ...!


Call me. ;)

8:49pm: Well i'll be damned.
I started back to school today. It was my Law class. I think i'm really going to like it. Have two classes tomorrow and i'm not sure how i'm gonna like em. But we'll see. When I got home I was kinda curious to see just how much longer I had left. So I sat down with this little list of all the classes I have to take. And if I take three classes a quarter from here on out that means I only have at the most four more quarters left. So 3x4=12 aka I only have a year left. I'll be done next summer. I'll barely be 19. And i'll be done. That is a fucking awesome idea. I mean i've already taken 10 of the 15 credit hours I need for my electives. I only have to take one more elective. I have three core classes left. I have to do the two OBI's (which are pretty much just internships.) That only leaves five classes left to take. And I will graduate with a diploma and two certificates in a year. At 19!

And then after that it's down to FL for the big internship. Disney has a college program. If you get in and if you make it all the way through it's looks incredibly good on a resume. After I go through the college program it's on to the advanced internship. I have a friend down there who works in DVC (Disney Vaction Club) which is one of the huge money makers for Disney. He told me when it's time for the advanced internship to talk to him and he'll get me in. He's worked there 15 years. And it would be easy to go into a postion from there. Working for one of Disney's biggest money makers at...20/21. Start young build it all up and even if it's falls flat I have it on my resume. Very good thoughts.

8:45pm: Fine. I'm game.
QUESTIONS:

1. Taken a picture naked? Yes
2. Painted your room? No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? No
4. Drove a car? Yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
6. Have a crush? Yes
7. Been dumped? Yes
8. Stole money from friend? No
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No
10. Been in a fist fight? Yes

11. Snuck out of your house? No
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
13. Been arrested? No
14. Made out with a stranger? No
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? No
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? Yes
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? No
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

20. Seen someone die? Yes
21. Been on a plane? Yes
22. Kissed a picture? Yes
23. Slept in until 3PM? Yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
26. Made a snow angel? Yes
27. Played dress up? No
28. Cheated while playing a game? Yes
29. Been lonely? Yes

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? No
31. Been to a club? No
32. Felt an earthquake? No
33. Touched a snake? Yes
34. Ran a red light? No
35. Been suspended from school? No
36. Had detention? No
37. Been in a car accident? Yes
38. Hated the way you look? Yes
39. Witnessed a crime? No

40. Pole danced? No
41. Been lost? Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? No
43. Felt like dying? Yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? No
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? No
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

50. Kissed in the rain? No
51. Sing in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? No
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes
54. Glued your hand to something? No
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No
57. Been a cheerleader? No
58. Sat on a roof top? No
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Yes

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? No
61. Played chicken? No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? No
64. Broken a bone? Yes
65. Been easily amused? Yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? No
68. Cheated on a test? Yes
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

70. Slept naked? Yes
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? No
73. Blacked out from drinking? No
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? No
76. Made love to anything not human? No
77. Failed a class? No
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? No
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? No
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes
84. Thought about running away? Yes
85. Ran away? No
86. Did drugs? No
87. Had detention and not attend it? No
89. Made a parent cry? Yes

90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? No
92. Dated someone more than once? No
93. Have a dog? Yes
94. Own an instrument? No
95. Been in a band? No
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No
97. Broken a cd? Yes
98. Shot a gun? No

12:51am: My song.
Don't be aroused, by my confession
Unless you don't give a good Goddamn about redemption
I know Christ is comin', and so am I
And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye

She'll suck you dry
But still you'll cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again
She'll make you weep
And moan and cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again

(Pray) Til I go blind
(Pray) Cause nobody ever survives
Prayin' to stay in your arms just until I can die a little longer
Saviours and saints, devils and deamons alike
She'll eat you alive

Jesus is risen, it's no surprise
Even he would martyr his mama to ride to hell between those thighs
The pressure is building, at the base of my spine
If I gotta sin to see her again then I'm gonna lie and lie and lie

She'll make you cry
I'll sell my soul, to be back in your bosom
Gladly now please suck me dry
And still you'll cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again

(Pray) Til I go blind
(Pray) Cause nobody ever survives
Prayin' to stay in her arms just until I can die a little longer
Saviours and saints, devils and deamons alike
She'll eat you alive

My pulse has been rising
My temples are pounding
The pressure is so overwhelming and building
So steady there freddy I'm ready to blow
What is she what is she what is she waiting for?

(Pray) Pray til I go blind
(Pray) Pray cause no one ever survives
Prayin' to stay in her arms just to die longer
Saviours and saints, devils and deamons alike
She'll eat you alive.

8:41pm: I'm sure you've all been waiting on the edge of your seat to hear about my weekend. So i'll tell you! I went to Disney world this weekend. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I like Disney. Deal with it. :p Left Thursday around 11. Got there about six. Did the pre check in and they didn't have a room ready yet. Had some breakfest after looking around in the gift shop a little. Then it was off to Animal Kingdom to face my newest fear. Expedient Everest. That is the newest roller coaster at Disney. My parents rode it back in Jan but I chickend out and didn't. It goes backwards, theres an 80ft drop in it and a yeti. Sounds like fun right? Unless your deathly scared of hights and a huge chicken like oh I don't know...me. You see I have a really bad problem of freaking myself out before I even do something. I always build it up to be way worse in my mind then it really is. So anyway we finally get on that bad boy and I can feel my heart beating. We go over our first bunny hill and then it's time for the big climb. Oh look I can see my house from here. This was a real good idea.

We get into the ride and I screamed at the top of my lungs the whole time. We get to the end of the ride and i'm ready to go again. As we're getting off the lady that was seated next to my father (they were in front of me)tells her husband on the way out "She's a holler." Heh...lady you don't know the half of it. I rode it one more time after that. I loved it. Time for lunch and then off to Magic Kingdom. Really what is it with the kingdoms today? Dad got a hair cut and a blue Mickey put in the back of his head. He walked around the rest of the trip with it in. Magic Kingdom was pretty packed so the rides were shruged off. We walked around in the shops some and had a snack. By that time the room was ready so we went back to the resort and lugged everything in. Got in a short rest before it was time to head to my favorite park Epcot.

Hopped the boat to Epoct. Having dinner in World Showcase in Canada at Le Cellier. World Showcase is a part of Epcot. There are 11 different countries in World Showcase. Each person who works in that country is from that country. All those accents and all those boys with said accents. *sighs* Anyway! After dinner it was off to France to check out the bakery over there. I wanted to look around in the shops and see if anything caught my eye. What's the first shop I walk into? A perfume shop! God the smell and the heat. So I sniffed around and found something I liked. Until I saw the price. Nope that's ok! Nothing really jumped out at me and my parents had no idea where the bakery was. So I offered to go find a CM (Cast Member aka Disney employee). I walk up to this cute little Asian guy...in France no less. Odd but hey. So I ask him where the bakery was in France. He looked at me and said "In Mexico?" ...No where is the bakery -here-? He looked right at me and said there is no bakery here. Um....k. Then he got this huge grin on his face and said "Just kidding!" Punk. I informed him that was quite mean and he said no no it was funny and you can feel your heart beating now! Uh huh. The line was out the door for the bakery. So it's back to the resort we go.

My parents went back to the room and I stayed behind. I bought a few things from the gift shop. Made my way over to the food court and got my self a little snack. Walked out into the surprisingly cold night with every intent to go back to the room until I got out there. There wasn't a soul at the tables and barely anyone walking by. The pull to seat down and enjoy the moment was just to great. So I sat down and ate my snack in peace and cold. Finally got back to the room and realized I smelled like sweat and perfume. Lovely smell really.

I felt like shit the next morning. But I got up and got ready anyway. It was off to MGM. When I got there I felt even worse. So I had to skip two of my favorite rides. Tower of Terror and Rock'in Roller coaster. Oh well next trip. I headed back up to the villains shop and bought the sound track to Nightmare Before Christmas and a few candy apples from the shop next door. By that time both my parents had gotten off the two rides and made there way back to me. So after a bit we made up our minds to go see how the wait for Star Tours was. We walked right on. Walking through the cue I thought to myself how packed the place has got to be durning the Star Wars weekend. We headed over to Sounds Dangerous which is a cute little show albeit a bit gross at the end. Then it was off to the Great Moive Ride. I like it well enough it is a bit slow paced but fun.

It was back to Epcot and World Showcase for lunch! China and Nine Dragons here I come! Dad went back to the room after lunch and mom and I stayed in World Showcase. We went over to Norway to do the boat ride and see the movie. Then went on to Germany to see if they had something she wanted. Then made out way over to France to give the bakery one more shot. We stopped off in Japan to rest and listen to the drummers that were playing there. I got yet another cd. The bakery had a bit of a line but nothing like the night before so we made our way through. Headed back to the room and I fell asleep Woke up and it was off to Downtown Disney to try the new Irish pub. We walk out of the room and it's freezing. My father and I didn't have anything but t-shirts and were freezing. We had planned on doing a little shopping after dinner but weren't sure we could brave the cold. So we broke down. He got a jacket and I got a sweat shirt. By that time we just gave up on the Irish pub and left if for another trip. We tried Wolfgang Puck Express which was pretty good. I did a little more shopping and then we headed back to the room. I was out of it and fell asleep pretty quickly.

Had to check out the next day. So we did and loaded up the car. We had planned on having half a day at Magic Kingdom but the bus stop for it had a ton of people at it. So we bagged that and it was left up to me to pick the park. So I picked Epcot. We had a character breakfest that day so it was off to that first. A charatcter meal is where you eat and characters come around to your table while you eat. If your not to stuck up to play along it's alot of fun. Onward to 1900 Park Fair. The food was really good. And I got not one but TWO kisses from tigger and two hugs no less. The tall goofy ones always seem to go for me. And I always seem to go for them. Then it was off to Epcot. There were alot more people there then we thought there was going to be. Everything had an insane wait to it. But hey that's spring break for you. So we only saw the Circle of Life movie which was pretty good. Then hung out in the land and talked about what to do next. We headed back to the resort and I grabbed some lunch and hit the road back home.

So that's pretty much my weekend. I left out a few details. But if you really wanna know em ask and I just may tell.

10:22pm: ...
So fucking tired...will post more at some point.

4:23am: Just because.
If there is at least one person on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie to a bed post, lick until they scream, then fuck until both of you are senseless, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, post this exact sentence in YOUR journal.

4:06am: Why do we do what we do?
You know when I talk to some of my friends sometimes I just don't get them. Example. I have a friend who's moving back home with his parents and he told me this tonight, "accepting and starting a family suits me -just- fine." Accepting? Am I the only one who just wants to smack him up side the head for that? He's giving up. Accepting. Settling. Why do we do that? Why do we just accept? The ones out there who don't. Who make up their mind to live their own life. Everyone looks up to them when they get to know them. Oooo's and awwww's at them. People say things like, "I wish I had done something like that." So why don't you? Why don't we? People just go with the motions. So few stand up and say here I am and this is what i'm going to do.

And don't get me wrong. If having 2.5 kids, a nice house, a good spouse, a good income and living in the burbs it what will make you happy i'm right behind you. But so many just accept that as they way life is. Are we just that scared to step out of our comfort zone? So scared to take on life the way we want to. And not just throw up our hands one down when something goes wrong and give in. I don't get it. And i'm not sure if I ever will.

9:27pm: I spent yesterday and today in bed reading. I got so caught up in the book I didn't eat anything until dinner. I'm gonna do the very same thing tomorrow. It may not be everyones ideal for spring break. But i'm quite happy. Going to FL next weekend anyway. Wish they would go ahead and put up my grades. I already know I have atleast two A's but i'd like to see if it'll end up being four or not. I don't go back to class till the 30th. Even got in some meditation after my book. Which is good I really really needed it. I honestly don't know what I did before it. It's amazing how much shit it's helped me work through and how much more awear i've become because of it. And now sets in yet another night of the same ol. But there is always a bright side and things are always good. You just gotta look for it.

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

7:22pm: I'm not lazy after all.
So I woke up today and felt like shit. I wanted to stay home from class but today was not a good day to miss. I have two finals coming up on the same day in two days. You see my teacher uses mid-terms and finals as a teaching tool. Which in short means he gives us the answers to the questions on the test. I have most of the answers to the two finals but not all. So I was stressing about missing classes. I called up my teacher and talked to him. He said no problem take care of yourself first we'll make up whatever you miss. Cool. I go back to bed. Wake up around...eh one I guess. So I got up made myself lunch. Watched my new favorite channel on tv. Link tv. So I thought why don't I use my time wisely for once. And you know what? I got some stuff done.

I managed to answer most of the questions on all my finals. Polished up one of my final projects. Got the other project in order. Now all I have to do is make up my mind on how I want to present it. So tomorrow I get to go to class offer up the hotel I found. Come back home read through everything for my presentation and set that all up. Study for my two finals and hope to God I do as well on them as I did on my mid-terms. But I did get in some much needed meditation today. All in all. Not a very bad day.

11:26pm: *sigh*
Was talking to a friend today. And he has a new girlfriend. You know why he has a new girlfriend? Because his family her family and she all pushed it on him. And do you know what he told me. Good guys do what they have to not what they want to. That's the bad guys. Forget that. Does he realize who the hell he's talking to. I've lived for everyone but myself forever at this point. And I hate them all to some extent for it. He's really setting himself up here and he won't listen to anyone. I honestly hope he ends up happy with her. But I have a bad feeling about it. But then again what room do I have to talk. I had a chance tonight to come clean with my parents. To finally tell them everything. And I didn't take it. I want my turn. And if that means i'm a bad guy for it. To fuckin bad.

8:35pm: Well No doubt about it. Winter is slowly but surely on it's way out. Went out to get something for dinner (at eight at night mind you.) And on the way back to the car I noticed that unmistakeable heat that just hangs in the air. The kind that makes everything stick to you, makes it hard to breathe and the kind that just seems to press down on you for no reason. Once it gets hotter it will make any restless nights that much worse. Nothing is worse then laying in the dark in bed completely restless, the middle of the night, and feel like your going to lose your mind from the pressure of the heat. But it's not all bad. The air smells sweet again. It's a mix of cut grass, people cooking in their backyards and the promise of something new and fresh. You can close your eyes and almost forget everything for a moment and just take it in. But then I guess that's all just part of the south for ya.

11:33pm: So what am I doing you ask. Or maybe not but I don't really give a fuck. I'm perverting the minds of my friends and twisting them to be just like me. I'm sitting in the dark listeing to rock songs by bands you've never heard of. I'm playing yahoo pool and kicking ass (as always). And i've just heard the quote of the day. "I'm not your bitch....bitch!" Yeah that's right. I'm better then you.